I didn't plan on writing tonight as I finished cleaning the house and sat down to finally relax. Yet I find as I sit here watching the minutes tick slowly by on the clock counting down to the time when the man of my dreams will walk through the door I am pulled to write.. So much has gone on these last few days that I find I am at a loss for words and thoughts. For anyone that knows me this will be a shock for I always seem to have a thought on something.. I guess I just need to take a step back from life right now and release what is pent up inside. I need to let my feelings drift away on a wind so that they are not boxed within myself.
Many of you watch the show "Grays Anatomy" on the show one of the characters once said something that has had a huge effect on the world today. She said that another character was "her Person". Meaning that that person was the one person in the world that they could turn to no matter what. I found that I have or I should say had "a person" she was there for me when no one else would be. I could talk to her and tell her what was going on and she wouldn't judge. We were talking the other day about the relationship I am in. I shared with her a few things that have been bothering me. Such as the fact that the man I am with means everything to me. He is my world. I cant wait for the day that he will meet my family and friends (they live several states away), yet it feels like he doesn't want me to meet any of his friends or family ( his dad lives 1/2 a mile away). When I shared these things with "My person" she expressed that I was just his DIRTY LITTLE SECRET. This hurt allot. It still dose. I told him ( the man of my dreams) about it and since then he has made a joke about it. I was a horrible person though and because of the pain I was feeling I turned it back around on "my person" and made her feel like shit. I have sense tried to apologize to her for it. I know that two wrongs do not make a right. If I could take back the words I told her I would. She is "my person" and I miss her..
Another thing that is weighing me down making it so I am unable to catch that wind is something that shouldn't get to me but it is. The man I so deeply in love with has four children from a previous marriage. Tomorrow the oldest is being confirmed in the Lutheran church. I am not Lutheran, nor do I admit to knowing much about the religion. I know very little. The thing is that even though I am not that religion it is still a big thing. His whole family will be in town for it. Yet he hasn't even thought of asking if I want to go. Instead I am staying home while he attends the confirmation and what ever is after. Is there something wrong with me that he doesn't want to be seen around me? It just hurts that he didn't even think to ask me to attend with him. The only thing that is giving me hope is that it is a family thing. Yet you would think the fact that we live together and have been for some time now would mean something. Maybe I am just making it out to be bigger then it is..
My mind is in turmoil right now with so many different thoughts. Those are only the surface. I just don't know..
......... A Dream On The Wind.......
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I am Luthern so if you ever have questions about all of it I am hear. Been through all the traditional things with myself, A and the kids. The other friend will forgive you I just know it. Sometimes things get hard and things seem to be said but the love is still there. On the other note a good walk and talk about your feelings as well as just finding out how he feels. It could be that he doesn't want to introduce another woman to the kids at that time and wants to do it in a better place and time. Just ask it is probably something simple. I wish you luck. My mom told me some thing yesterday. I was talking about K's friends parents are all divorced and the crazy shifting of kids that took place this weekend. She said that merging families can be even harder and painful at times. I am here for you and I know this will work out.
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